Why Me?

Share

Everything happens for a reason

Good health. Yoga woman relaxing by seaSometimes when we’re disappointed because we didn’t get an outcome we wanted, it’s hard to understand why it happened. It seems unfair that we try so hard to achieve our goals with little visible success. It’s especially hard if we did our very best. “Why me?” we ask. “Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong?”

Nothing happens by accident

Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in this world by accident, even if in the moment we can’t make sense of the experiences. There are often two levels of reasoning. There is a logical, secular explanation, such as we weren’t prepared in the way we need to be or we could have made some different choices. But there is also a spiritual, metaphysical accounting that suggests that whatever happens was for our highest and best good, regardless of outward appearances to the contrary.

The spiritual reasons could be we weren’t emotionally ready to go to the next level. We had more inner work to do, there were more important things to attend to before our dreams could be realized, it wasn’t the right time, or had we realized our dream, we would have missed another opportunity that we needed to experience.

How do you know whether to let a dream go or keep at it?

And if you let go, how do you know when it’s time to try again? There is no one-size fits-all answer. There are many factors to be considered, including timing. If you’re at this crossroads take into account the following:

  • Are you consumed with making your dream happen?
  • How long have you worked to make it happen? How many attempts have you made?
  • How does your obsession with making it happen affect your loved ones? Sometimes the price we pay is worth it – and sometimes it’s not. Only you can decide.
  • What are the financial implications? Health implications? Are you using your last dime, your family’s savings, or your rent money? Are you getting sick? These are questions to consider.
  • Is it really your dream to make this happen? If so, sometimes it’s worth everything to keep the dream alive.
  • Does your life or livelihood depend on the success of this experience?
  • How do you know when you’re ready to resume the process? The answer varies. However, the amount of time since your last attempt, whether you’ve been able to acknowledge your mistakes, whether you’ve been able to indentify lessons learned, and whether you’ve been able to reach out for help are all factors to be weighed.

Today allow yourself to think through what would happen if you put your dream on hold temporarily. You may not think that you have the time or that you’ve already invested too much money to stop now. But perhaps if you continue as you are, more money and time will go to waste. Sometimes allowing time to come between you and the experience gives you a chance to regroup, reassess your strategy, and become spiritually and emotionally strong again.

Join my conversation on FacebookFacebook Esteemableacts Fan Page, or my Facebook Law Page, you can also interact with me on my Twitter Esteemable Acts page, Twitter Law Page, or on LinkedIn. Feel free to subscribe to my newsletter.

Don’t Think of Gossiping

Share

A portrait of a beautiful young woman covering her ears over white background

Say No To Gossip Today. No Gossiping.

Recently I overheard someone who was sitting at the table next to mine talking on her cell phone.

“Who does she think she is?” the woman said. “Everyone at work knows she’s sleeping with the boss. That’s why she always gets special treatment.”

There was a pause, as if the person on the other end of the phone was responding. Then the woman at the next table, somewhat frustrated, said, “I’m not gossiping, I’m just sharing some information. It’s my opinion and I’m entitled to that.”

How many of you have ever made such a statement, or heard it from someone else? More than just about anything, gossip compels the participants to take sides, creating a line between them and us. It’s so destructive, yet we do it.

If gossip is so hurtful and potentially harmful, why do we do it? First and foremost, we do it because we can!  And secondly, because we often feel powerless over our lives, jobs, and relationships.

Regardless of the reason, gossip is the coward’s way of dealing with feelings. It never resolves the issue. Instead, it takes away your power, fuels the flame, and garners support for our fear, ultimately making us feel angrier.

So how do you break the pattern of gossip? Practice not uttering the first word of gossip. Once you start, it’s hard to stop.  Instead, focus on living the life you want. If you’re happy doing what you love or are making an effort to create the life you want, you won’t have time to focus on the lives of others.

When we gossip, we feel powerful, but in reality, we become powerless. What one action can you take today that moves you closer to taking back your power?

Join my conversation on FacebookFacebook Esteemableacts Fan Page, or my Facebook Law Page, you can also interact with me on my Twitter Esteemable Acts page, Twitter Law Page, or on LinkedIn. Feel free to subscribe to my newsletter.

What Are You Grateful For?

Share
Grateful. Gratitude.

Grateful. Gratitude.

In order to find your way in being who you are, you have to remember those who have contributed, in big and small ways, to your life. The best way to do this is to begin by saying to yourself out loud, “I see angels everywhere. I am open and receptive to the mentors waiting to assist me.”

So how else do you get started on a journey of acknowledging and appreciating those who’ve help you along the way? Well the first step is to cultivate an attitude of gratitude in which you choose to see the good in all things. The second step is to say “thank you” every chance you get.

Being grateful doesn’t mean you must always be happy and walk around with a smile on your face. It means that you make an effort to acknowledge what you have to be thankful for. Gratitude lifts the spirit, opens the heart, and nourishes the soul. Think about the times when you’ve been grateful; wasn’t it easier to see the good in others?

Every week I write a gratitude list. There are days when it’s so easy to come up with things I’m grateful for that my pen glides across the paper or my fingers dance over the keyboard. Then there are days when I can’t think of anything to be thankful for. It’s not that there isn’t anything for me to be thankful for. I just can’t, or more honestly, choose not to see anything. Perhaps it’s because I’m angry or hurt or disappointed at the moment, so all I can see is the glass half empty rather than half full. The way I get past this block is by writing at least six things I have to be grateful for in that very moment. It could be that I’m willing to write this list. Then I put pen to paper and just do it! Amazingly once I begin to write, more things begin to reveal.

Today I invite you to write in your journal and describe something that happened within the last 24 hours that you’re grateful for. If you can’t think of anything, extend your net a little wider to include the last week, month, or year. Consider also looking beyond the obvious. Perhaps the answer might be something you would never think about, like being able to see, being able to walk, having a job, or not having a job so you have the time to do what you want.

Join my conversation on FacebookFacebook Esteemableacts Fan Page, or my Facebook Law Page, you can also interact with me on my Twitter Esteemable Acts page, Twitter Law Page, or on LinkedIn. Feel free to subscribe to my newsletter.

Be Silly. Self-Esteem. Have Fun.

Share

Smile. Silly.

girl and dog playing aroundAfter speaking at a recovery convention, a fellow speaker approached me and said, “Francine how come you’re so serious? You need to lighten up! You never smile. You say you’re grateful, but you need to tell your face. You look like it’s the end of the world.”

Well I thought to myself, “Who does he think he is telling me to lighten up?” I’m light.  I have a sense of humor, ha, ha. I can take a joke – sometimes.” As you can image I was just a little peeved. But you know, he was right. I never smile. I’m always serious, and my face looks tense, as if I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. What’s with that? I hide behind the fact that I am a left-brain thinker and never allow the little girl – the silly person, the humorous person that I believe I really am – to come out and play.

Since that time, I made a conscious effort to lighten up. The first time I practiced this was at a conference where I unhappily forgot what I was talking about.  I got conversational with my audience, went off on a tangent, and couldn’t remember where I was. In the past when that happened, I was devastated –  and you could tell. My hands got sweaty, my body tensed up, and my mouth got dry. I looked scared and I was. But on this particular day, I simply stopped for a minute, took a deep breath and blurted out, “Oh my God, I’m having a senior moment.” The crowd roared. I didn’t die, and I demonstrated that I had a sense of humor about myself. I’ve been doing it ever since.

Sense of Humor.

When we lighten up we see the world through new eyes. Problems become more manageable. And mistakes aren’t the end of our world. We learn to delight in all that God has created, and we become full of joyous expectation of the good that awaits us. Plus, we don’t age as quickly because we allow our inner child to come out and play.

What does it take to allow yourself to be silly in the moment? Well some people are natural humorists. They have the capacity to see something funny in all things, starting with themselves. For many, they have been making people laugh from the time they entered the world. Recall the kids you went to school with you who made everybody laugh.  They were funny; it was natural for them. But for the rest of us, being silly or lightening up is a learned skill.

This week you have permission to get silly. Silliness is an experience of joy. If we are really feeling joyful, then it’s to our advantage to show that in all we do.

 

An Attitude of Gratitude

Share

Esteemable Act. Appreciate.

Young woman standing in meditation on the top of a hill

Gratitude.

How do you get started on this journey of acknowledging and appreciating those who’ve helped you along the way? The first step is to cultivate an attitude of gratitude in which you choose to see the good in all things. The second step is to say “thank you” every chance you get. Being grateful doesn’t mean you must always be happy and walk around with a smile on your face. It means that you make an effort to acknowledge what you have to be thankful for. Gratitude lifts the spirit, opens the heart, and nourishes the soul. Think about the times when you’ve been grateful, it’s easier to feel good about yourself because you are willing and able to see the good in others.

Gratitude List.

Every week I write a gratitude list. There are days when it’s so easy to come up with the things I’m grateful for that my pen glides across the paper or my fingers dance over the keyboard. Then there are those days when I can’t think of anything to be thankful for. It’s not that there isn’t anything for me to be thankful for; I just can’t – or more honestly, choose not to – see anything. Perhaps it’s because I am angry or hurt or disappointed at the moment, so all I can see is the glass half empty.

But then I put the pen to the paper, and just do it! Amazingly, once I begin to write, more things are revealed.

What are you grateful for?

Today I invite you to think of something that happened within the last twenty-four hours that you’re grateful for. If you can’t think of anything, extend your net a little wider to include the last week, month or year. Consider also looking beyond the obvious. Perhaps the answer might be something you’d never think about, like being able to see, being able to walk, having a job, or not having a job so you have time to do what you want.

Until next time, I’m Attorney Francine Ward helping you protect what’s yours. Join my conversation on FacebookTwitter, or in one of my LinkedIn groupsGoogle+ Circles.